Pie Chart of Bad Decisions

I just read a blog post about women who wait on their boyfriends to text them or contact them in some way.

I used to be that girl. Reading that blog, I was transported to a time in my life when I used to sit around waiting for a phone call or even a text message.

Not once, not twice, but over and over again. And I'm pretty ashamed to admit that.

From the time I was in early high school, I tended to seek approval from the guy I was dating. Which was actually pretty lame when you consider that he wasn't the best guy to be seeking approval from. He cheated, he lied, he used me. And still I came back for more.

Until I met C, I honestly don't think I had a healthy relationship. I won't go into all the gory details now, but suffice to say, I was treated terribly, repeatedly, and I never stood up for myself. I never walked away, ran away, or even said "f* you." I constantly wondered what did I do wrong? How can I keep him/get him back? It took a long time and a very eye-opening "break-up" experience to make me realize that it wasn't me. Now I'm not saying I was never the cause of any problems... I'm sure I did my fair share of crappy things. But I never intentionally hurt someone or cheated or used. And I sure as heck wasn't the problem causing these guys to treat me like crap. At least not on the surface.

Women, NO ONE has the right to make you feel like less of a person. And you should NEVER give someone the power to do so. Relationships are equal partnerships. If there is not equality in your relationship, it isn't a healthy relationship. I said before that I wasn't the problem causing the guys to treat me terribly. And that's true... to an extent. But at the same time, coming back over and over again perpetuated the problem. I didn't stand up for myself, I didn't walk away. And in being cowardly, I encouraged these behaviors.

After all was said and done, while sharing a bottle of wine and some cake, a dear friend of mine decided to help me see what problems reoccurred in my relationships. She made a pie chart of all my terrible relationship decisions. (I say all like there are hundreds. There aren't. But there are definitely more terrible decisions than I like to think of.) In creating this masterpiece, I realized something...



What, you might ask, did you realize?

I realized that (and I think these were my exact words that night) I'm quite the catch. I have some awesomely amazing qualities. And if these men didn't realize and appreciate that fact, they didn't deserve me. Well, that, and that I had a tendency to date losers. :)

That freakin' pie chart saved my life. Or at least my sanity and my future. After recognizing what so many people had been telling me for so long... I decided to stop looking for love. Being the great catch that I am, I figured it could find me. And what do you know? It did. With a little help from a fortune cookie, a margarita, and some friends. I found a guy who loves me for me, never makes me wonder why he won't call or text, and never lets me doubt his love for me.

Never settle for less than you deserve. He is out there somewhere.

Live from Okieland,

E

A Brand New Year

62 minutes left in the first day of a brand new year. Whew, I'm squeaking this blog entry in!

I love New Year's Day. Besides the fact that I'm off work, C is off work, and my mom is in town, I just love the newness that is January 1. While this past year flew by and I can hardly believe it is 2016, I love everything that this day stands for. It is a chance to start over. A chance to begin again or refresh what worked from previous years. It is a chance to grow.

I'm asked every year by my best friend what my new years resolutions are. And every year, I have pretty much the same response: "I don't know. Probably to get in better shape and eat better."

And every year, I roller coaster on that resolution. I do really well at times, and really terribly other times. This year, I responded to the question my best friend asked with: "I don't know. I'm still thinking about it."

But I think I have decided on my New Year's Resolution 2016 edition. And it isn't to "get in better shape" or "eat better."

My resolution this year is to take more time for me and really focus on making each day more important, more useful, and more fulfilling. I realize this is extremely vague and could mean something different to every person reading this (or, ya know, it might if people were actually reading this). But that's on purpose. I know goals are supposed to be SMART - specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely; heck, I teach a lesson every year on goal setting. But I want my goal to be vague. Because it means I can frame it any way I want on any given day.

Okay, so how am I planning to accomplish this intentionally vague goal to "take more time for me and make each day more fulfilling"?

• I plan to work to implement and utilize a 'bullet journal' system instead of focusing on a planner or 18 different sets of lists. 
• I would like to read a daily devotional journal each day - I have one with short, cute, inspiring messages for each day. It's 3 minutes out of my day. I can do this for myself.
• I want focus on counting my blessings. Often after being stressed out at work and coming home to cook dinner and clean up the house, I get so caught up in the negative and the frustration. I'd like to try to find something positive in each day and record that in my bullet journal. 
• I want to take more time to meal plan - C and I have a bad habit of eating out more often than we should because I haven't been great about planning ahead.
• I really want to exercise for 30 minutes a day, excluding work. That can mean taking my dog for a walk, dancing, doing a workout video, heck, doing ankle raises while fixing my hair... I know I can do better at this. 
• Going to bed earlier. I feel so much better when I get enough sleep, but I stay up too late reading or just playing on my phone, and I lose precious sleep. Social media is wayyyy too present in my life. 

Okay, so now it's out there. I'll hopefully keep checking in and holding myself accountable in this blog.

I hope each and every one of you have thought of something you want to do better in 2016. Whatever it is, whether it is SMART or vague... Find a way to better yourself.

And remember, never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them.


Live from Okieland,
E