Life and Loss

I can't seem to figure out how to start this post... Or even what to write about. Hopefully third time's a charm. Maybe this means I'm a real writer now that I've experienced writer's block!

C surprised me by turning on Hinder Radio on Pandora tonight, and all those Hinder songs transported me back to my years in college. Then, C and I drove through our old college campus, and although I'm perfectly happy with my life, we both talked about how we miss college. It was such a carefree time, although it didn't seem that way at the time. I had a great college experience, but I definitely would do some things over.

I won't get into the nitty gritty of what I would change and bore you with all the sordid (haha, yeah right!) details. But it got me thinking about how life moves on whether we want it to or not. There are parts I am so thankful are behind me (crazy exes appearing on my res hall floor, anyone?), but there are things I never knew I would miss. I miss spending time in the middle of the day doing nothing with people that would do anything for me. I miss thinking about how busy I am while I lay down to take an afternoon nap. Mostly I miss the freedom that comes with being a college student - old enough to be on your own, but not old enough to have "real" responsibilities like providing for yourself.

And I miss my dad.


Wow, I'm not sure where that was hiding. I am NOT going to get into the details of my adolescent life right now and the ups and downs I had with my dad, but I will say that despite everything, I loved him. He was my biggest fan, before, during, and after college. I know my mom is proud of me and my brother is proud of me... But my dad? My dad told EVERYONE about my accomplishments. He told strangers about his baby girl. I used to get so annoyed when he would tell me again and again how proud he was of me. Like, "Geez, Dad. I get it, okay?" But now? Now I would give anything to hear that just one more time. To feel his hug just one more time. It's been almost two and a half years. Two and a half years since I last saw him or spoke with him or hugged him. People say loss gets easier with time. And in a way, they're right. But they are also wrong. Because the longer it's been since he was here with us, the more it hurts to realize I'll never get to see him or talk to him again. It hurts to know that he never met my husband and he will never meet Jade or any of my children. And I just have to remind myself that I have a guardian angel watching over me and that he is still proud of me and still telling everyone he meets about his baby girl.

Loss sucks. And if you've ever lost someone you love, just remember that it's okay to cry. Even two and a half years later while you sit in front of your computer typing a blog. I've found that grief quotes help me on those days when I feel the worst, and I want to share a few of my favorites.

May these help you if you've lost someone you love.

Live from Okie Land,

E

A Day in the Life

Ten years ago, as a senior in high school, I often thought about my future. Where I would go to college, who I would fall in love with, what I would be doing with my life, if I would have children.... All these thoughts circling around the brain of 17 year old me. And strangely, I thought about my ten year high school reunion. I had these plans to have this GLAMOROUS, high profile, exotic life where I had achieved things beyond my classmates' wildest dreams. I would come back to my ten year reunion, with my sexy husband in tow, and have accomplished all these spectacular things.

What I didn't factor in was... reality. The reality is, it's hard work to be successful. Four years of college, two years of graduate school... Well, there's six years already gone! Another year in a career I didn't love, starring as a bridesmaid in THREE separate weddings, the loss of my dad, beginning a new career, finding my soul mate, buying a house, adopting a furbaby, and finally, marrying the man of my dreams... And here we are, ten years after my senior year of high school, and what do I have to show for it?

Not what I thought I would have, that's for sure. And do I regret it?

Not one single bit. 

I sometimes see people my age, or much younger, who have accomplished all these things that have made them stand out. And you know what? Great for them! I'm excited for those people. But that's not me. I don't know why 17 year old E. wanted to outshine all her classmates. 27 year old E. doesn't even LIKE the spotlight most of the time. 

And let's be real. My daily life may not be glamourous, and it sure as heck isn't high profile or exotic, but it's pretty darn grand. I wake up each morning next to my sexy soul mate and our silly, sweet furbaby. I work with some great people who constantly make me laugh and support me professionally and personally. I'm surrounded by children who love me unconditionally and aren't afraid to show it. I occasionally get sweet texts from my husband for no reason. I get to come home after work to a home that C and I (and the bank) own. I get to cook whatever I want for dinner because C isn't picky. And I get to curl up and relax after a busy day at work. But most importantly, I finish each day beside my husband, the one person who seems to understand me even when I don't understand myself.

I still have dreams. I still want those children and that pretty house and a nice vacation each year. But I realize that I may not get all of that. But what I know is that I already have the most important part. And no matter how messy life gets, that makes me pretty darn lucky. 

Find the blessing in your life. Be thankful. And never forget that if you have love, you have more than you can ever need. 

Live from Okie Land,

E.

Adventures in Okie Land Begins

Why hello there! Welcome to Adventures in Okie Land!

I'm going to start my blog by sharing a secret with you... Okay, I know what you are thinking: "What, so early in our relationship?! Don't give the milk away without making them buy the cow!" (Okay, E, get real. What are the chances anyone is actually reading this? Probably nil-ish.)

Okay, you ready? Shhhhh..... here it is:

I've always wanted to be a writer. I love reading. When I call myself an avid reader, it isn't a term, it's an accurate description. I CONSUME books the way the Trunchbull made that kid consume that massive chocolate cake on Matilda. Like, until they make me sick. (Okay, maybe not quite, but I do often lose sleep because of them). And because I love reading, I've always wanted to be a part of the creation of books. One of my proudest memories is from a school assignment in 8th grade where we had to write an autobiography. I spent weeks working on that assignment, and when I got it back, my teacher had written on the top "forget becoming a pediatrician, you should write." Obviously there's hidden talent here, right?

But let's take a trip back to reality. I'm an educator. A school counselor. I don't have time to write the next Great American Novel. And even if I did, I'm way too scattered to sit and type out a novel. To create a work of fiction with nothing but my imagination and a computer with a screwy "m" key. I'm not just being negative, I know this. I tried once (aaaaand there's secret #2, folks). But that doesn't mean I don't want to write at all. Which brings us to... Adventures in Okie Land.

I'm a woman of many varied interests. Besides reading, I also enjoy crafting, baking, cooking, creating, and shopping. And, well, it depends on the day. Mostly, I love the adventure that is life.

My adventure is based around my husband, C, and our fur-baby, Sage. These two are my world. Adventure, to me, is not just something you go on, it is a way of life. C and I are constantly joking and laughing, Sage is constantly keeping us on our toes... this life, to me, is the greatest adventure. I hope to share with you, my loyal readers, (or my diary, if that's the case), some of those adventures in my daily life. It may be a short story, a craft adventure I've been working on, or even some yummy new bakery creation... Get ready for the adventure, whatever it may be. Feel free to comment if you take the time to read these ramblings... I would love to hear from you!

Live from Okie Land,

E