What is the world coming to?

These days, hearing about mass shootings is all too common. As I write this, there is a news story on regarding the Paris attack and the band that was a part of the tragedy there.

For many, mass shootings are a scary, but rarely thought of, event. They enter our minds and hearts when news stories share the horrors of the events, but we don't think of them throughout the day. However, for teachers and school staff, they are always in the back of our minds. I think I speak for most teachers and administrators when I say that we are hyper vigilant these days in regards to intruders.

When I was in college, I was never told that if the need arose, I would be asked to put my life on the line for the children in my care. C told me one time that he never expected to have to worry about his wife going to work and fearing for her life in a school setting. But that is all too often the reality. Not that we are asked to put our life on the line - but, and again I'm speaking for others, I think most of us would gladly lay our life down to save those sweet, innocent young souls. That's why we got into this profession - to save kids. That can mean lots of things, but every teacher I know spends as much time worrying about his/her students as they do worrying about their own families. And to lose a child you have that connection with? Unthinkable. Heartbreaking. Absolutely terrifying.

I shouldn't have to worry for my safety at work. I should be able to leave my classroom door open to allow the Hades-like temperature of my room to disperse into the hallway. I shouldn't jump a little every time I hear the intercom or an unusual sound at work. But most of all, parents shouldn't have to worry about the risk of sending their children to school and wonder if they will see those children again. What a screwed up world we live in where those things are not a reality.

I work in Oklahoma - one of the absolute last states in regards to teacher pay. I have a master's degree and make less money than many people without a college education. However, I love those children in my care. I love seeing them smile, getting hugs, and hearing their triumphs and struggles. Most of all, I love hearing my kiddos who have moved on come back and tell me something they learned or remember from their days with me. I will put up with the pitiful pay and abysmal government support in order to serve those kids. But please, please, understand that when I gripe about my pay, I'm much more than a glorified babysitter. I teach your children. I dry their tears. I bandage boo-boos. I problem solve and listen to the concerns of their hearts. And I protect them from all the horrors no one should ever have to even consider when they send their child to school. And I do it with a smile because this is what I love.

So take today to thank a teacher. Not just for "putting up with your kid." Thank them for being willing to risk their lives every day to keep your baby safe.


Live from Okieland,
E

Count your Blessings

After a month spent counting my blessings and expressing via pictures what I am most thankful for, I realize that I have A LOT to be thankful for.

Besides recording my daily thankfulness on instagram, I also checked my timehop daily and saw previous thankful posts from years past. And each one of those posts reminded me that there are positives in every day, and countless reasons to be thankful of our blessings.

As I write this, I would like to make a compilation of my blessings... Knowing full well that I can never truly count all of those blessings, as they multiply daily. But here it is as of right now:

1. My faith. Call this religion, call this belief, call it whatever makes you comfortable, but faith keeps me going when things are difficult.
2. My husband. I honestly was not sure I would ever find someone who could put up with my craziness, and he suits me so completely.
3. My mom. She centers me and listens when I need to chat. And she taught me all my craftiness I know.
4. My brother. He has always looked out for me and supported me.
5. My dad and the 25 years I had with him. I think we all tend to take people in our lives for granted until we have lost someone close to us.
6. My niece. Even though she isn't my child, she taught me about that unconditional love an adult can have for a child.
7. My in-laws. I definitely got lucky when I married into their family. I know not everyone is blessed with great in-laws, but I am!
8. My friends. I could do a separate number for each one, but for length sake, just know that I am thankful for them.
9. That I never wanted for anything growing up, or now for that matter. My parents always made sure I had food, clothes, shelter, and most importantly, love. I'm still blessed with those things.
10. My puppy. Until her, I never understood how people could love a pet like a child.
11. Hugs. Hugs make everything better.
12. Laughter. C brings so much laughter to my life and I can't imagine living without it.
13. Coffee. It makes getting up much easier and more enjoyable!
14. Chocolate. Need I say more?
15. Owning my own home. I feel as though I'm working toward something instead of throwing money away.
16. My car. When I hit the deer a few weeks ago and shared a car with C, I realized how thankful I am to have my own car.
17. My grandmas. I still have 3 (2 bio and 1 "step") and they are all amazing women.
18. My job. Although it drives me crazy a lot of the time, getting hugs from kiddos every day makes me pretty lucky.
19. OSU. What a wonderful university family. Never have I been more thankful than after the Homecoming tragedy, when I saw how everyone pulled together. #stillwaterstrong
20. Books. I'm thankful for my love of reading so I can disappear into a different world when I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
21. The small things like naps, apple pie, candles, and pretty fall days.
22. Heated blankets. When you keep your house set on super cold, they sure are handy.
23. Wine after a long day. Or during a lazy day.
24. Shoes. I'm blessed to have a wonderful collection and boy do I love them!
25. Christmas lights. Those pretty, sparkling lights that bring joy whenever I see them.

I could go on, but I'm just going to end on an even (or uneven, to get technical) 25.

Count your blessings. Every day, and not just during the month of November. Show gratitude.

Live from Okieland,

E

Leave a mark

As I sit here on this quiet Sunday morning, with a heating blanket on my lap and my puppy curled at my feet, my thoughts are anything but quiet. Yesterday was spent with friends, watching our college football team lose a heartbreaking game, and with it, our undefeated season and our championship play-off hopes. But that isn't what has me in tears this morning.

While talking on the phone to my mom, something I do every morning, she mentioned a country singer duo by the name of Joey + Rory. She had seen a video and learned of Joey's fight with cancer. Her terminal, end-of-life, fight with cancer. The video she saw was titled "When I'm Gone" and made in 2012 - before Joey's cancer diagnosis. This video describes a wife's attempt to comfort her husband after she's gone. I've seen it. And it's heartbreaking how closely it models the couple's fight right now.

But even that isn't what has me in tears. Rory, Joey's husband, writes a blog. He puts his family's trials, tribulations, and triumphs out there for the world to see. And right now, there are a lot of trials. Joey is receiving end-of-life hospice care. She is spending time with her loved ones; precious time that is oh so fleeting. And she is doing it with a smile. And Rory, although I'm sure there are tears, is blogging it with a smile. He's sharing these last moments of Joey's life with the world, in the hopes that they resonate with someone.

Boy did they resonate with me.

I don't think I'm dying. What I mean is, I have nothing to indicate that I'm ill. I have no plans to go anytime soon. But neither did Joey. I don't think most people plan for that sort of thing. But now it has me thinking.

If something happened to me, how would my loved ones know what they mean to me? Sure, I tell them. Everyday, in fact. Multiple times a day. But I want them to have more than that. When my dad passed away in 2012, I didn't get to say goodbye. We knew he was sick - he spent a week in the hospital. But we didn't know it was time for goodbye. And I missed out on those final words.

For three and a half years, that has stuck with me. My dad was already gone by the time I got to the hospital. My goodbyes were said to a lifeless body. It's hard to not regret that. I know my dad loved me. I have no doubts about that. But what I do have doubts about is how often I told him I loved him. My dad and I had our fair share of issues. I loved him. Man, did I love him. But we fought. We argued. We were both stubborn and thick-headed as a brick, and we often butted those heads together.

When I go, I want to leave behind a legacy. I imagine most of us do. I want there to be no doubt that I loved with all that I had. So on this cold and quiet Sunday, I'm making a vow to myself:

Leave no doubt with the ones you love about how you feel. Love more, fight less, and always, always say the words. 

Those words have power. They leave a mark. Leave your mark behind.


Live from Okie Land,

E

So I'm almost embarrassed to post....

It has been months since I last posted. I'm embarrassed to say that I'm not really that surprised. I have a really bad habit of starting things, getting bored/overwhelmed/forgetful/pick your description, and not following through.

That being said, I'm sorry. I'm not apologizing to my avid readers (I don't think I have any)... But I am apologizing to myself. I made a deal that I would write, and I let myself down. And reading through my old blogs, I'm disappointed. I enjoy writing. It frees me. It makes me feel complete. And I like to think I'm decently good at it.

As it has been 8ish months since I last posted, I have A LOT of things circling around in the abyss I like to call my mind. Ready for random?

Puppies, TV, shoes, my dad, my work, my home.... Ooooh, things just got real.

Pick any of those and I could write a blog post. But pick any of those last 3... I could write a novel. Okay, that's unfortunately not the truth. Because if it was, I would have already have a best seller on my hands. Or a dud, but I would still be considered a real writer.

I'm going to start by sharing something that has been on my mind for the past few days. Well, honestly, it's been circling around up there since C and I got married, but it's been more up front since a conversation we had Saturday while sitting by our firepit. Our home. As in, where will ?

C and I are both from Oklahoma. The difference is that, while I was raised here, none of my extended family lives in Oklahoma. C, on the other hand, grew up surrounded by grandparents and cousins. We have recently been talking about moving... Finding somewhere that we can make more money, enjoy our lives, raise a family. But I'm stuck on one simple fact - I don't want my kids to be raised far away from their grandparents. Unfortunately, for an educator, Oklahoma is the LAST (okay, second to last) place to want to work. We are underpaid, under appreciated, and largely overworked. Not exactly high qualifications when thinking of a career to raise a family on. C's company is attached to the oil industry, which is highly volatile. Right now, a career change might be helpful for both of us. But, realistically, that might mean leaving behind all that is known.

And therein, young grasshopper, lies the root of the problem. I don't like change. At all. Like, I'm the girl who freaked out when someone sat in "my seat" in grad school on the day of a test. I like comfort and routine. And I like my family. I don't want to be far away from those things. But I can't be away from C. He is truly my best friend. My soul mate. But how do I leave my mom, my family, C's family? How do I think about raising my kids away from their family like I was raised away from mine?

I wish I had an answer. I don't. And I don't think there is a simple answer. This isn't math and some things don't always come out exactly right in life. But I do know that, as long as I have C, we can work it out. Because nothing is too difficult when looked at through the eyes of love.


Live from Okie Land,

E

Fate is a funny thing

Fate has been heavy on my mind this afternoon. As I was leaving work, I was thinking about all the choices I have made in my life. Each choice was like a path that eventually led me to the life I have right now. And I'm quite happy with where I am now. Or, more precisely, who I am with now.

I went to elementary school in a very small town. Like, I had 12 other students in my grade level. When I was in 5th grade, I made the difficult decision to leave my comfort zone and transfer to the largest school district in my county in order to challenge myself. I started middle school in a very large, confusing school, knowing only two other people in my class. It was in this school that I started that path to my current road. After succeeding in middle and high school, I was offered scholarships to various universities in Oklahoma - scholarships I may not have been offered had I not transferred schools in 6th grade.

I received the same scholarship offers to both OSU and OU, but I chose to attend Oklahoma State and major in pre-med. Eventually (or after a semester), I chose to change my major to Psychology. Having no idea what I would do with a degree in Psychology, I discovered in my fall senior semester that I could attend graduate school to become a counselor. Rather than end my college career in 2009, I applied to OSU's counseling program. Again, another choice as I could have gone to other schools.

While in grad school, I found that I much preferred working in a school to working in a community. However, rather than seeking out school counseling positions in various cities around the state (or outside the state), I chose to stay in Stillwater and work for a community agency after graduation. It was after one early night of work that a friend invited me to go out for one of her friend's birthdays. I'm not typically a party girl, nor do I go out to bars with people I don't know. My friend, D, invited me over, and while I was there, I was introduced to D's roommate's friend. Little did I know that the choice to put my number in his phone (a FIRST for me) would lead to me being happily married a few years later.

It's terrifying that a change at any of those paths might have prevented me from finding C. Now maybe we would have found each other - I like to think we would have - but it's awe-inspiring to realize how precisely things had to work out for it to happen.

Things have a way of falling into place. And while I used the word fate earlier, I truly believe those paths were destined by God. God has plans for each of us. I am not very good at trusting those plans, and it is something I need to work on. After all, He hasn't led me astray yet.

Live from Okie Land,

E

Life and Loss

I can't seem to figure out how to start this post... Or even what to write about. Hopefully third time's a charm. Maybe this means I'm a real writer now that I've experienced writer's block!

C surprised me by turning on Hinder Radio on Pandora tonight, and all those Hinder songs transported me back to my years in college. Then, C and I drove through our old college campus, and although I'm perfectly happy with my life, we both talked about how we miss college. It was such a carefree time, although it didn't seem that way at the time. I had a great college experience, but I definitely would do some things over.

I won't get into the nitty gritty of what I would change and bore you with all the sordid (haha, yeah right!) details. But it got me thinking about how life moves on whether we want it to or not. There are parts I am so thankful are behind me (crazy exes appearing on my res hall floor, anyone?), but there are things I never knew I would miss. I miss spending time in the middle of the day doing nothing with people that would do anything for me. I miss thinking about how busy I am while I lay down to take an afternoon nap. Mostly I miss the freedom that comes with being a college student - old enough to be on your own, but not old enough to have "real" responsibilities like providing for yourself.

And I miss my dad.


Wow, I'm not sure where that was hiding. I am NOT going to get into the details of my adolescent life right now and the ups and downs I had with my dad, but I will say that despite everything, I loved him. He was my biggest fan, before, during, and after college. I know my mom is proud of me and my brother is proud of me... But my dad? My dad told EVERYONE about my accomplishments. He told strangers about his baby girl. I used to get so annoyed when he would tell me again and again how proud he was of me. Like, "Geez, Dad. I get it, okay?" But now? Now I would give anything to hear that just one more time. To feel his hug just one more time. It's been almost two and a half years. Two and a half years since I last saw him or spoke with him or hugged him. People say loss gets easier with time. And in a way, they're right. But they are also wrong. Because the longer it's been since he was here with us, the more it hurts to realize I'll never get to see him or talk to him again. It hurts to know that he never met my husband and he will never meet Jade or any of my children. And I just have to remind myself that I have a guardian angel watching over me and that he is still proud of me and still telling everyone he meets about his baby girl.

Loss sucks. And if you've ever lost someone you love, just remember that it's okay to cry. Even two and a half years later while you sit in front of your computer typing a blog. I've found that grief quotes help me on those days when I feel the worst, and I want to share a few of my favorites.

May these help you if you've lost someone you love.

Live from Okie Land,

E

A Day in the Life

Ten years ago, as a senior in high school, I often thought about my future. Where I would go to college, who I would fall in love with, what I would be doing with my life, if I would have children.... All these thoughts circling around the brain of 17 year old me. And strangely, I thought about my ten year high school reunion. I had these plans to have this GLAMOROUS, high profile, exotic life where I had achieved things beyond my classmates' wildest dreams. I would come back to my ten year reunion, with my sexy husband in tow, and have accomplished all these spectacular things.

What I didn't factor in was... reality. The reality is, it's hard work to be successful. Four years of college, two years of graduate school... Well, there's six years already gone! Another year in a career I didn't love, starring as a bridesmaid in THREE separate weddings, the loss of my dad, beginning a new career, finding my soul mate, buying a house, adopting a furbaby, and finally, marrying the man of my dreams... And here we are, ten years after my senior year of high school, and what do I have to show for it?

Not what I thought I would have, that's for sure. And do I regret it?

Not one single bit. 

I sometimes see people my age, or much younger, who have accomplished all these things that have made them stand out. And you know what? Great for them! I'm excited for those people. But that's not me. I don't know why 17 year old E. wanted to outshine all her classmates. 27 year old E. doesn't even LIKE the spotlight most of the time. 

And let's be real. My daily life may not be glamourous, and it sure as heck isn't high profile or exotic, but it's pretty darn grand. I wake up each morning next to my sexy soul mate and our silly, sweet furbaby. I work with some great people who constantly make me laugh and support me professionally and personally. I'm surrounded by children who love me unconditionally and aren't afraid to show it. I occasionally get sweet texts from my husband for no reason. I get to come home after work to a home that C and I (and the bank) own. I get to cook whatever I want for dinner because C isn't picky. And I get to curl up and relax after a busy day at work. But most importantly, I finish each day beside my husband, the one person who seems to understand me even when I don't understand myself.

I still have dreams. I still want those children and that pretty house and a nice vacation each year. But I realize that I may not get all of that. But what I know is that I already have the most important part. And no matter how messy life gets, that makes me pretty darn lucky. 

Find the blessing in your life. Be thankful. And never forget that if you have love, you have more than you can ever need. 

Live from Okie Land,

E.

Adventures in Okie Land Begins

Why hello there! Welcome to Adventures in Okie Land!

I'm going to start my blog by sharing a secret with you... Okay, I know what you are thinking: "What, so early in our relationship?! Don't give the milk away without making them buy the cow!" (Okay, E, get real. What are the chances anyone is actually reading this? Probably nil-ish.)

Okay, you ready? Shhhhh..... here it is:

I've always wanted to be a writer. I love reading. When I call myself an avid reader, it isn't a term, it's an accurate description. I CONSUME books the way the Trunchbull made that kid consume that massive chocolate cake on Matilda. Like, until they make me sick. (Okay, maybe not quite, but I do often lose sleep because of them). And because I love reading, I've always wanted to be a part of the creation of books. One of my proudest memories is from a school assignment in 8th grade where we had to write an autobiography. I spent weeks working on that assignment, and when I got it back, my teacher had written on the top "forget becoming a pediatrician, you should write." Obviously there's hidden talent here, right?

But let's take a trip back to reality. I'm an educator. A school counselor. I don't have time to write the next Great American Novel. And even if I did, I'm way too scattered to sit and type out a novel. To create a work of fiction with nothing but my imagination and a computer with a screwy "m" key. I'm not just being negative, I know this. I tried once (aaaaand there's secret #2, folks). But that doesn't mean I don't want to write at all. Which brings us to... Adventures in Okie Land.

I'm a woman of many varied interests. Besides reading, I also enjoy crafting, baking, cooking, creating, and shopping. And, well, it depends on the day. Mostly, I love the adventure that is life.

My adventure is based around my husband, C, and our fur-baby, Sage. These two are my world. Adventure, to me, is not just something you go on, it is a way of life. C and I are constantly joking and laughing, Sage is constantly keeping us on our toes... this life, to me, is the greatest adventure. I hope to share with you, my loyal readers, (or my diary, if that's the case), some of those adventures in my daily life. It may be a short story, a craft adventure I've been working on, or even some yummy new bakery creation... Get ready for the adventure, whatever it may be. Feel free to comment if you take the time to read these ramblings... I would love to hear from you!

Live from Okie Land,

E