It has been months since I last posted. I'm embarrassed to say that I'm not really that surprised. I have a really bad habit of starting things, getting bored/overwhelmed/forgetful/pick your description, and not following through.
That being said, I'm sorry. I'm not apologizing to my avid readers (I don't think I have any)... But I am apologizing to myself. I made a deal that I would write, and I let myself down. And reading through my old blogs, I'm disappointed. I enjoy writing. It frees me. It makes me feel complete. And I like to think I'm decently good at it.
As it has been 8ish months since I last posted, I have A LOT of things circling around in the abyss I like to call my mind. Ready for random?
Puppies, TV, shoes, my dad, my work, my home.... Ooooh, things just got real.
Pick any of those and I could write a blog post. But pick any of those last 3... I could write a novel. Okay, that's unfortunately not the truth. Because if it was, I would have already have a best seller on my hands. Or a dud, but I would still be considered a real writer.
I'm going to start by sharing something that has been on my mind for the past few days. Well, honestly, it's been circling around up there since C and I got married, but it's been more up front since a conversation we had Saturday while sitting by our firepit. Our home. As in, where will ?
C and I are both from Oklahoma. The difference is that, while I was raised here, none of my extended family lives in Oklahoma. C, on the other hand, grew up surrounded by grandparents and cousins. We have recently been talking about moving... Finding somewhere that we can make more money, enjoy our lives, raise a family. But I'm stuck on one simple fact - I don't want my kids to be raised far away from their grandparents. Unfortunately, for an educator, Oklahoma is the LAST (okay, second to last) place to want to work. We are underpaid, under appreciated, and largely overworked. Not exactly high qualifications when thinking of a career to raise a family on. C's company is attached to the oil industry, which is highly volatile. Right now, a career change might be helpful for both of us. But, realistically, that might mean leaving behind all that is known.
And therein, young grasshopper, lies the root of the problem. I don't like change. At all. Like, I'm the girl who freaked out when someone sat in "my seat" in grad school on the day of a test. I like comfort and routine. And I like my family. I don't want to be far away from those things. But I can't be away from C. He is truly my best friend. My soul mate. But how do I leave my mom, my family, C's family? How do I think about raising my kids away from their family like I was raised away from mine?
I wish I had an answer. I don't. And I don't think there is a simple answer. This isn't math and some things don't always come out exactly right in life. But I do know that, as long as I have C, we can work it out. Because nothing is too difficult when looked at through the eyes of love.
Live from Okie Land,
E
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